Kimberly Vrudny

Participant 01

In 30/30 Participants, Open Arms of Minnesota, United States on August 12, 2010 at 8:15 am

“Participant 01” is a gifted musician whose love of poetry graces his journal entry. He quotes Kafka: “Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”

“When I put my hands on your body, on your flesh, I feel the history of that body. Not just the beginning of its forming in that distant lake but all the way beyond its ending. I feel the warmth and texture and simultaneously I see the flesh unwrap from the layers of fat and disappear. I see the fat disappearing from the muscle. I see the muscle disappearing from around the organ and detaching itself from the bones. I see the organ gradually fade into transparency leaving a gleaming skeleton gleaming like ivory that slowly resolves until it becomes dust. I am consumed in the sense of your weight the way that your flesh occupies me—momentary space the fullness of it beneath my palms. I am amazed at how perfectly your body fits into the curves of my hands. If I could attach our blood vessels so we could become each other I would. If I could attach our blood vessels in order to anchor you to the earth to this present time I would. If I could open your body and slip up inside your skin and look out your eyes and forever have my lips fused with yours I would. It makes me weep to feel the history of you and your flesh beneath my hands in a time of so much loss. It makes me weep to feel the movement of your flesh beneath my palms as you twist and turn over to one side to create a series of gestures to reach up around my neck to draw me nearer. All these moments will be lost in the tears in the rain.” —David Wojnarowicz, 1990

“There are no diseases. There is only ONE disease that manifests in different forms.” —O.Z.A. Hanish

“Every disease is a musical problem, every cure is a musical solution.” —Novalis

“Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” —Kafka

“May I, composed . . .
of Eros and of dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair,
Show an affirming flame.” —Auden

“From love comes grief; from grief
comes fear; one who is free from
love knows neither grief nor fear.” —verse 215 of Ohammapada

The light of God surrounds me, the love
of God unfolds me, the power of God
flows through me. Wherever I am, God is,
and all is well. —21 August 2004, Nagano

The cool rain falls silently,
Blinded by a bright bed of black-eyed Susans
I wonder if I’ve learned,
If I’ve changed, what pieces are missing still.
Can I find the strength
The mosaic to survive? —9 August 2005, Nagano

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